Michael Bay diarrhea
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Randomize
