peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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