the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
