Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
