Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
He passed out mid-signature
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
