i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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