i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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