i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
