Even the bartender felt bad for me
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
