meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
