I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Randomize
