if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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