As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
