and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
