He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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