worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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