you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
