Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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