i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
