I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
