after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
