She announced her abortion via fbk
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
