I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
