I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
the liver wants what the liver wants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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