Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
