I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
