I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
