i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
