The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Randomize
