i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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