last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
