Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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