Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
