Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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