morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
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I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
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So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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