420 ftw
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
