wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
