so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
