After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
