I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
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ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
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