i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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