My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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