yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
