Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
