ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
