ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
