never play flip cup with pint glasses
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Randomize
