Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Everclear isn't food dammit
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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