I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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