you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
