i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
