Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
