Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
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