My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
