Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
