The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
