Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
