Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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