Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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