so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
