I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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