We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
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