I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
