Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
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