I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
