I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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