the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
