He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
