cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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