hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
