Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
