Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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