you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
