I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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