you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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