conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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