My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
