I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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